Archive for: August 2011

Is There an Elephant in Your Room?

Aug. 09 Featured Posts no comments

We have all been there - a situation when we need to have a difficult conversation with someone and we just don’t know how to start. Maybe, someone we love is going through something that is really difficult and we want to give them their space but we also want to remind them… we are there for them.

Sharon Brennan, the creator of the There’s An Elephant in the Room cards, has developed a greeting card that will help you say what you need to say.  The Elephant in the Room cards give a person a chance to say something that might be difficult to say, but that needs to be said but in a way that is more comfortable for all parties.

After visiting Sharon’s website and reading through her cards, I was inspired to learn more about what inspired her to create these cards and how people can use them to handle different situations in their lives.  In the following interview, you’ll get a sense of the person behind this great idea as well as inspiration on how to incorporate them into your difficult conversations.

Soulgineering: Can you describe, “There’s an Elephant in the Room” cards?

Sharon: “There’s an Elephant in the Room Cards” were designed to help people move with grace through difficult moments in their relationships. When I was creating them, I tried to think of all the times in my life when I had found words so difficult to say out loud. I then came to realize that when I did have the courage to say the words, suddenly I was on a new road with the relationship or situation. Sometimes this meant leaving someone behind that was doing me harm and often it was a time when I needed help but was too proud or afraid to ask for it. For some reason many of us have come to believe that we have to carry a burden alone or save face by not speaking up. Often for me, if I let a stressful issue go too long, I find that I deal with the scenario with much less grace because I am frustrated or angry by the time I say anything at all. These cards are designed to help people who are afraid yet know things must change, and just can’t say the words out loud. Available in paper and e-cards, they have been created to restore, to blast holes in dark places and let the light in, and to move elephants out of rooms. Although the subject matter is brewed in difficult times, each card is infused with humanity, each message written with an imagined positive outcome and each elephant standing aware of the weight it carries as it travels to its destination.

Soulgineering: What caused the light bulb to go off in your head that you should turn sometimes awkward, uncomfortable or even sometimes hard-to-state loving comments into a type of greeting card?

Sharon: A few years ago our daughter was accepted to university and my husband and I were so proud. We told everyone what a genius she was. We were THOSE people who after a dinner party, the rest of the guests ask “do they really think they are the only people who have ever had a child accepted to a university?” We didn’t care. We carried on. We would chat brightly about her future – she might teach, (at a university level of course). She might write a book, (certainly it would be a best seller!) As summer days passed we became more sentimental. The evening before her flight there was champagne and tears. She was ready! We knew it. Looking back now, I don’t remember our daughter having that much to say that summer. Off she went to school though and within a matter of days she had met a boy and by Christmas she had dropped out, moved in with him and shortly thereafter announced they were going to Australia.

We were devastated and reacted with all kinds of things like “You’re ruining your life!” “Do you know how many people can’t go to university?” And my personal favorite, “How could you do this to US?” Replaying these events in my mind I realized that the frustration we felt was amplified by not saying what we were really feeling. We should have said what was in our hearts. “We love you so much. Please be careful with your precious life. If it doesn’t work out, you can always come home”.

Not long after this a friend of mine found herself standing in church next to her mother’s casket. Beside her was her sister whose rounded belly told all that she was expecting her first baby. Their Dad had died a year before in a car accident and now their Mum had gone the same way. I sat and watched these two women and wondered how they would cope. Sniffles in the congregation displayed that many were grieving this loss, yet the sisters stood tall, spoke strongly of loving memories and met each guest with care. Listening to the minister’s calming words I looked around the room. Children were fidgeting, couples were pensively looking on and seniors were no doubt remembering friends who were gone. I looked back at my friend and realized that within a few days the routine would resume for us. I wondered, “As the rest of us recover and move on what about you?”

The initial idea for these cards though came from an incident involving a friend’s son who was addicted to drugs and alcohol. He had been to rehabilitation centers and seemed to be improving until one day when his Dad stopped by his apartment unexpectedly and very quickly realized that his boy was using drugs again. Confronting him he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you were in trouble? You know I would help you.” His son sat for a moment and said “I’ve let you down so many times, I just couldn’t disappoint you again. I just couldn’t say the words out loud.” To think that a person could have all of this love and support and yet feel like they couldn’t say the necessary words to ask for help, well it just broke my heart.

Soulgineering: What are some examples of Elephant in the room cards?

Sharon: There are 24 cards in the line so I won’t list them all, theycan be seen at www.elephantroomcards.com, but a few I like are:
- “I love how you can save the day…but I need to do this for myself”
- “I’m confused…what has changed between us”.
- “I’m exhausted…I can’t be happy for both of us”
- “My heart is like a rock in my belly…I let you down and I’m sorry”
- “If we want to survive…we need to make a change”

Soulgineering: Some of the cards have a pretty intense message, for example, “Enough, enough…I have had enough” or “Simply put.you need to let me go.” how are people at the receiving end of these cards responding?

Sharon: One of the surprising things is that I don’t really hear from people who receive the cards, but I do hear from those who sent them. The real purpose of the line is to open up communication. This may bring some defensive reactions at times. This is natural. Once the message has been delivered though, it’s out there and it has to be addressed, so when I get letters they come from people who have made the decision that they can’t stand keeping everything inside anymore, and they do feel like a tremendous burden has been lifted off their shoulders even if it has brought with it consequences that force an issue. They have left the chaos and sick stomach that comes with not speaking their own truth, and in some cases they have finally asked someone for help. Both of these scenarios carry tremendous power. I spoke to a man this weekend, a lawyer who told me that until he became sick with cancer he had no idea how much so many people cared for him. He said, “If one of my friends sent me a card that said “I’m in trouble”, I would drop everything and go to them to help them”, so why would this man be so willing to offer help but be so afraid to ask for it when he was in need? I have also had people tell me that when they send a more difficult message often the person on the receiving end is almost as relieved as they are, because they too haven’t had the courage to address the elephant in the room but know at some point the conversation is going to have to take place.

Soulgineering: In situations involving those cards, do you think that the response from the receiver is kind of not that important, it is really all about the empowerment of the sender?

Sharon: I think that all of the parts of our human experience that we can control, are governed by one thing, and that is, how we react to what is going on in our lives. So the cards are all about the sender reacting with respect to whatever situation has brought them to this place. The person who receives the card is then given exactly the same opportunity to respond with respect or not. The sender cannot control this but with an open and yes empowered heart, they can know that they did what they could to keep communication in a non-aggressive environment. The cards are generally straight forward enough that they are clear and leave little ambiguity for the one on the receiving end. It has been my experience that the more aggressive someone is about receiving news in a respectful way, the more important it was to deliver the message in the first place.
Soulgineering: What do you advise people to do once they have sent the card?

Sharon: I really don’t advise. I am the creator of the cards and I have certainly given all of this a lot of thought, but I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist so I am careful about giving advice. My thought though, based on my own vast, life experience from past relationship mess-ups, when I didn’t say what was needed to be said, is that every single relationship will unfold, restore or end, based on the individuals in it and who they are, where they are in their lives and what each of them want going forward. I think that most of us know what to do most of the time, we just don’t have the courage to do it. Many people stay in unhappy relationships citing a multitude of excuses, or spend their lives complaining to people who cannot do anything about the situation, rather than taking the steps to fix it themselves. So to answer your question, the only thing a person can do once they have sent the cards is wait for the reaction that comes back and then react to that, keeping the initial goal of respectful communication in mind

 

 

Sharon Brennan has co-written and contributed to two books, The Action Sandwich and  The Right Road.  Sharon has a solid background in Arts Management having worked in the world of symphony orchestras in marketing, development and special events roles as well as senior administration. For the past decade she has acted as manager, promoter and co-writer with musician, author and public speaker Alan Frew.
She also works for Jeans ’n Classics Inc., (www.jeansnclassics.com) her family business creates, produces and performs symphonic rock concerts with orchestras all over the world. Sharon and her family live in Canada.

 

Visit There’s an Elephant in the Room website to view cards and learn more about Sharon.

The Nuance of the Impact of Our Energy

Aug. 05 Featured Posts no comments

There were occasions when we faced making a choice or taking a specific action in our life. Maybe for years we have desired a different direction in our career, or a different relationship, or a change in our ability simply to achieve our goals. At some point we follow our intuition, that feeling in our heart, or the knowing in our soul and push fear aside and take one small step in a new direction.

When we made this small step we discovered that somehow the planets aligned and we entered the express lane of the Universe. People appeared in our life helping us move faster in our desired direction. Important information we sought automatically became apparent that moved us faster down our path. We experienced a change in our world and even those around us. How was this possible?

The nuance is that the changes we experience are due to the simple but powerful change in the energy we project. Scientists have proven that we are human beings comprised of energy. We radiate energy continuously and it flows through us continuously. When we move in the direction that is consistent with our highest good, our intuition, our soul, and our knowing, then we experience change in all directions.

Yet how does this change occur? For example, many people today are unemployed. Those that believe they will have difficulty landing a new position, to the point of questioning their self-worth, will radiate a negative energy. Conversely, someone who believes in their ability and experience, and sees this experience as a stepping stone to a new and better opportunity will radiate a much more positive energy. This positive or negative energy gets displays in all of our actions, from the way we stand, walk, say hello, shake hands and hold our posture. All of these actions and energy become apparent to others, through our interaction and their ability to feel our energy. Therefore, what may seem like a simple thought or belief is in reality, an extremely powerful form of energy that impacts our world and those around us. Everyone will feel and respond to your energy.

This positive energy is often seen in sports where one player’s mindset is so powerful, that his energy is felt by everyone on his team. The energy lifts the other players and collectively they perform in sync resulting in victory. There is no accident to this outcome.

People you haven’t spoken to in years may contact you, or some situation in which you found yourself stuck then opens up and melts away. All of these events occur because your energy changed by redirecting your focus. The nuance is that your focus changed, causing a shift in the energy of your thoughts away from fear, away from doubt, and away from believing there was no way out of your current situation. The nuance is that by taking the first step you let the Universe provide the best possible outcome by using the positive energy you radiated.

To achieve success, understand the fundamentals, but the key is to master the nuances.

 

Gary Spinell is the author of, It Was YOU, All Along. Garyhas spent over 25 years examining why some people achieve success consistently while others often struggle. Gary believes that although it is necessary to understand the fundamentals of creating your reality, it is imperative you master the nuances.

In addition to being a writer and speaker, Gary has appeared as a guest on over 30 radio programs. He has extensive experience in the business world as Vice President at Blockbuster, Hotels.com and Expedia, and Senior Vice President at Mannatech.  Gary’s responsibilities have included Treasury, Investor Relations, Public Relations and Human Resources. Readers can contact Gary at gspinell@youallalong.com. For information go to www.youallalong.com.

Listen to Gary Spinell’s interview on Spiritual Perspectives Radio, co-hosted by Sara Vitale and Soulgineer’s Dawn Katzin

Listen to internet radio with Sara Vitale and Dawn Kaztin on Blog Talk Radio

Above image courtesy of DeviantART

It Was YOU, All Along: An easy to understand guide on how to create the reality you desire!

Aug. 05 Books no comments

Balanced spiritual and practical information for creating your desired reality.

The idea we create our reality is not new, but most of us have trouble understanding how to apply it in our daily lives. It was You All Along helps you understand how to apply this knowledge in every area of your life.

“Gary Spinell provides a unique step-by-step guide to self-realization by creating the positive energy that will lead to outward success and internal peace and happiness. His personal progression to self-confidence and inner growth serves as an inspirational template for readers searching for a path to a productive and prosperous life.”
– Carol Murray-Negron, NYU adjunct professor, corporate consultant

Learn why some people continually achieve success when others can’t. Discover the key myth and misconception causing most people to lack success. Learn why hard working people often miss the key ingredients required to create their ideal reality. Discover how the energy generated by your actions, thoughts and beliefs creates your entire reality.

Learn how to use the Universal laws to create the reality you desire. Learn how and why nothing happens to you! Discover the power to find the right relationship, success in your career, and abundance.

Gary Spinell spent over 25 years researching and examining why some people consistently achieve success and why it eludes most people most of the time. Most people have heard of the Law of Attraction, yet have difficulty incorporating the concepts fully into their lives. Gary’s book goes several steps beyond the Law of Attraction with a unique and perfect blend of practical and spiritual information, thereby providing the reader with easy to understand step-by-step approaches to success. Gary’s approach goes where other books leave off, in the details and nuances of attracting success and happiness.

Visit It Was YOU, All Along Official website.

Read Soulgineer’s Feature Article by Gary Spinell, The Nuance of the Impact of Our Energy

How Abandoning Belief Rocked My World

Aug. 04 Featured Posts 1 comment

What I believe isn’t important.  The fact that I can put order to my thoughts, sort them into opinions and fan them into beliefs is hardly impressive.  In fact, such thinking is unavoidable.  It’s what our highly evolved human brains do.  They compare and contrast and judge in an endless attempt to make sense of the world around us.  Believing is as automatic as walking or talking or sneezing, and about as noteworthy.

There was a time when I considered my beliefs to be something more than just an assemblage of thoughts.  I mistook them for something much more important.  I thought they were me.

At various times in my life I believed I was a Catholic, a Unitarian, an agnostic and a secular humanist.  I was a liberal, a feminist, an environmentalist and a pacifist.  I took on new identities in search of a higher self and, down deep, I think, to distance myself from certain vulgarities that characterize the human condition – qualities like greed and aggression.  By connecting certain thoughts, by cobbling together new identities, I convinced myself and others that those unwholesome human traits couldn’t possibly define me.  They defined thieves and rapists and murderers.  I was above all that, and had a portfolio of beliefs to prove it.

I was not alone in my quest adopt a new identity.  Everyone in the world was doing it right along with me.  Hindus, Muslims and Buddhists.  Socialists, Communists and Greens.  Progressive Unionists, Christian Democrats – some crafting identities the way college freshmen craft double majors.  We were all attempting to rise above our inherited animal nature, but rising above it didn’t make it go away.  We were still greedy and aggressive despite our deeply held beliefs.  We were walking contradictions, projecting our inner conflicts onto the world; in fact, we were the world, and that’s why it was such a bloody mess.

Having wandered from one belief system to another, I thought I had explored life’s biggest questions, but I was only asking questions for which my beliefs had provided me pat answers.  I had yet to ask myself the most radical questions, the ones that would eventually smash my beliefs to bits.  They were questions no one seemed to be asking, questions like:

If a clash of beliefs can be found at the root of all the violence in the world, then shouldn’t we question their validity – not the validity of any particular belief, but belief itself?

Separated from our beliefs, would we lose our moral bearing?  Would we fall prey to our baser instincts and rock the world with depraved acts of violence?  Or is this precisely the behavior we exhibit under the hypnotic spell our beliefs?

Imagine a city whose buildings have been leveled by an earthquake.  That’s the image I had of my mind after my beliefs had been toppled.  I felt like I could see forever in every direction.  The towering thought structures that stood as my beliefs no longer blocked my view of the world.  I felt a disorienting sense of freedom.  Liberated from the beliefs that had conferred my identity, I felt blissfully anonymous.  I was a person without a suffix, without an –ist to affirm my existence.  I had unwittingly joined the only club that matters.  It numbers in the billions, doesn’t charge dues and welcomes career criminals.  It’s called the human race.

It’s been years since I disposed of my beliefs, and I have yet to turn into a sociopathic killer. On the contrary, I’ve developed a deep affection for my planet mates now that I’m not measuring them by the yardstick of my beliefs.  Gone are the walls of thought that prevented me from seeing who they really are.  Gone are the lectures I’d give in an attempt to raise their consciousness.  And gone, mercifully, is my compulsion to cast them as evil so that I can appear virtuous.

However sacred or profound, a belief is nothing more than a thought, and thought is never the thing it describes.  It can only hint at the wonders it attempts to touch.  Sermons about love garble love’s ineffable beauty.  Speeches about unity clank after the first syllable.  Courting belief is a prescription for a virtual, not a virtuous life.

 

John Ptacek’s essays explore the unquestioned assumptions that limit our capacity for happiness. They appear on his website, On Second Thought, www.johnptacek.com. He lives in Wisconsin with his wife, Kitty.