Tag: death

Grief: The Loss of a Thing, Person or Idea

Jul. 11 Featured Posts 1 comment

Grief is more than just the loss of a loved one.  Grief can also mean the loss of a relationship, employment, your home, a financial loss or even the loss of friend who has moved away or a sibling who won’t talk to you anymore.  We also grieve when we think our life should have gone a certain way and it didn’t.

Listen to Sandra Champlain, creator of SurviveGrief.com as she talks about the many different kinds of grief with Dawn Katzin and Sara Vitale on Spiritual Perspectives Radio.  Sandra will take you through her personal story of loss and guide you through the different stages of grieving.  She’ll walk you through the ways you can tell if you or someone you know is going through the grieving process and then will give you advice and insight on how to make it through.

Sandra’s own story involves not only the loss of her grandmother and shortly afterwards of her father, but also the loss of her siblings, whom she stopped talking to after her father’s death.  Sandra’s story recounts how she went through anticipatory grief: when you start the grief process of shock, denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance, during the days when she saw her father fight the cancer that would eventually take his life.  She also describes the things she learned about herself and the courage she gained as a result of having gone through such a loss.  In an effort to help others who are going through what she went through, Sandra created a free downloadable audio file called How to Survive Grief which you may find on SurviveGrief.com.

Most people can identify grief when someone has suffered an obvious loss of a loved one and give them time to go through the process.  What most people don’t know is that losing a thing, person or an idea you love can also trigger grief.  If we were able to identify it as such, we would be able to offer the support and encouragement that makes the process easier to go through.  Sandra helps you identify the signs of grief which include:  having no energy, feeling exhausted all the time, feeling empty inside, always wanting to be alone, being unable to sleep or eat or sleeping/eating too much, having a lot of arguments and miscommunication, forgetfulness, poor work performance, fear, sadness, anger and guilt.

Sandra will say that the best way through the grieving process is to be present in the moment, identify it as grief, and just live it out.  Just go through the process and allow you and/or your loved ones to go through with it.

Listen to these ideas and much, much more on the Spiritual Perspectives Interview.

 

To listen to the interview click here.

To learn more about Sandra Champlain go here.

Image courtesy of nolandis. 

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Death is Your Body Letting Your Soul Go Home

Jun. 28 Death 3 comments

Death is not what we think it to be.
Death is simply your body letting your soul go home.
It is just the time when your soul
Doesn’t need its body anymore and it goes home to rest.

Earth is not the end all
Not even Earth is forever.

We come here to grow our souls.
Once we are done, we have to go somewhere.
So we go were we came from.
Home.

And we are whole again with knowledge
And without challenges as we know them now.

When someone passes
We get scared because of how or why
However it has to happen.

Our bodies themselves are designed to age with experiences
So that we know we are almost done
Until we are done.

No one is here to live forever.
Until this day I do not anyone who is 150 years old.

We are just scared of death because of what we do not know
Not what we do know.

We are safe, even in death of our bodies.
Our souls are durable and endless and eternal.
Not even wishy washy to say that,
It is just the truth.

We are here to live
So while we are here we live
As our soul comes to do what it came to do.

Death isn’t about us
It is part of the plan.
God isn’t hurting us to “kill” us.

We have choices on Earth
And as humans there are many different ways to go home.
So when we don’t need our bodies
We leave those behind
And we go home to review what we have learned.

Some of us come back for more
And some of us decide to never come back.
No big deal, just choices, growth and love.

 

by Nadia Khalil

Image courtesy of F. Villate.

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A Positive Attitude During Difficult Times

Jun. 15 Stress 3 comments

We are told that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade.  But let’s face it, sometimes you want to throw that lemon right back with as much force as you can muster.  When you’re facing an empty refrigerator, or an eviction notice, or the loss of a loved one, it is hard to see the positive side of life and remain happy and strong.  In theory we know we should maintain a positive attitude but putting it into practice in real life is hard.  Or is it?  The fictional story below is an inspiring example of how one person managed to make lemonade even when faced with his mortality.  Enjoy!

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant in America. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!” Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs; they would follow him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, “I don’t get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life.”

“But it’s not always that easy,” I protested.

“Yes, it is,” Jerry said, “Life is all about choices When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. It’s your choice how you live your life.”

Several years later, I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business: he left the back door of his restaurant open one morning and was robbed by three armed men. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Want to see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.
“The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied. “Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared?” I asked.

Jerry continued, “The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘He’s a dead man.’ I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked. “Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything.” ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead’.

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we always have a choice.  We can choose to remain bitter or to smile and move on.  We can choose to remain chained by fear or break those chains and start enjoying life.  We can choose to live, or we can choose to die.   The choice is always yours to make.  No one else can make it for you.

 

This story is courtesy of the View on Buddhism website.

To purchase a copy of the image on this post go to Adila’s site on Deviantart.

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Panic Disorder and Anxiety Will Not Kill You

Jun. 14 Stress 8 comments

Contrary to some of the information found on some blogs on the internet, panic disorder and anxiety attacks will not kill you.

I have been running across a lot of articles lately talking about anxiety and panic disorder. Like most information found on the internet, you have to really do your research in order to find credible sources from experts in the field. While I’m not an expert, what made me decide to add to the list of writers about these subjects was some disturbing  blog posts that anxiety or panic disorder are life threatening and can lead to death.

I have been living with panic disorder for approximately 9 years. Like most people, I was diagnosed with the disorder after ending up in the hospital due to what I thought was a heart attack. Over the years, there are times when I need to be on medication and in therapy; however, for the majority of time I am able to handle the panic through multiple techniques. My number one technique has been based on the fact that my therapist asserted that no one has ever died or passed out from panic disorder.  I have repeated these words over and over during every attack and it has worked marvelously well.  No matter how hard the attack is hitting, I at least know that I will be okay once the episode is over.

If the opposite had happened and my therapist had told me that my worst fear during a panic attack could possibly come true and I could die from it, I do not know  how I could have mentally made it through those really, really hard times. My recovery would have suffered a serious setback.

After reading those frightening blogs, I decided to do some research to figure out if they were right or if my therapist had been right.  Here is what I found.

In an article on the Anxiety Network titled What You Fear the Most Cannot Happen, psychologist Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D., explains how panic disorder does not lead to passing out, dying or some of the other thoughts that run through your head when in the moment of an attack.

… Because of these feelings of panic, it’s very common to “invent” or attribute danger to the accompanying bodily symptoms. Remember, though, that NO ONE has ever had these things happen to them as a result of a panic attack:

“I’M GOING CRAZY“: No one with panic attacks and anxiety has ever gone “crazy”. In fact, because you realize that you have panic attacks, this is just another indication that you are not going crazy. People that “go crazy” lose contact with reality. Anxiety people are too much in contact with reality. Thus, people with panic and anxiety problems NEVER “go crazy”. It simply cannot happen.

“I’M GOING TO PASS OUT”: Temporary dizziness leads people with panic to feel that they may pass out. This is not possible because, during panic, your heart beats faster, and your blood pressure rises. As the blood pressure rises, it becomes impossible for you to “pass out”. When people faint or “pass out”, it’s because of a sudden DROP or lowering in blood pressure.

“I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK”: when the heart begins to beat quickly and people experience “palpitations”, they sometimes feel a heart attack is occurring. In the first place, the heart can beat quickly and continuously for a long period of time without causing any damage. Although heart palpitations seem to occur in the left side of the chest, there are many DIFFERENCES between panic attack and a real heart attack. During a real heart attack, the primary symptom is a crushing sensation inside the chest and a pain that is continuous. During a panic attack, the attention is focused on the quick and rapid beating of the heart itself. (“I can hear my heart beating even in my ears!”) People having panic attacks are NOT experiencing heart problems. A real heart attacks produces crushing internal pain that doubles people up and drops them to the floor. They DO NOT hear their heart beating nor do they care. The intense, crushing pain is the only thing they can pay attention to.

“I WILL STOP BREATHING AND SUFFOCATE”: Sometimes panic sufferers feel that because they can’t catch their breath (and are hyperventilating), they will suffocate. This is impossible because you cannot pass out and suffocate.  It feels like you can because the mixture of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your bloodstream is out of proportion. That is why people feel weak, dizzy, lightheaded, and faint. Suffocation is not a possibility during a panic attack.  In a few moments, as the body gradually calms down, breathing returns to normal, and the other symptoms gradually go away.

“I’M LOSING CONTROL”: Experiencing many anxiety symptoms all at once can cause a person to feel that they are “losing control” of themselves. Sometimes the fear is of acting nervous and foolish in public where others will be able to notice. Sometimes the fear is of being rushed to the hospital in an emergency vehicle. For other people, it is the fear that losing all control proves they are crazy and may have to be institutionalized. Actually, the fact that you think you could “lose control” guarantees that this is not really possible. The only people who really “lose control” are people who are not aware of this and are not ever concerned or bothered by “losing control”.

Read Full Article

 

Just a few more…

Before It Happens Know that a panic attack will not harm you
“In therapy, we teach patients that although panic attacks are uncomfortable, there’s nothing physically dangerous about them,” says Kimberly Wilson, Ph.D., a cognitive-behavioral therapist in the San Francisco Bay area and a psychiatry instructor at Stanford University.

Article from Women’s Health Magazine

 

Coping with Panic/Anxiety Disorder

When you feel the symptoms of panic/anxiety disorder (PAD), tell yourself –continually—that what you are experiencing is anxiety and not a heart attack and that anxiety cannot kill you. Dr Stanley Goldstein –Author and Psychologist

Read Original Document


Some tips that worked for me personally:

1.   Get a physical. A thorough check-up will allow you to have peace of mind and you can then rule out that there is nothing physically wrong with you.

2.   Get a prescription. There are times when your panic might be more than you can handle and medication will be needed. Be okay with that and realize that if you take the correct steps to control your disorder, the need for medication will not be forever.

3.  Get a therapist. Discussing the circumstances that led up to the attack with a professional will enable you to put events into perspective and determine what could have led to the attack.  You will also learn how to talk yourself through the situation so that you can emerge from it quickly.

4.  Meditate. Taking a moment for yourself to be calm and mentally prepared in situations that have the potential to trigger attacks can help you stave off feelings of fear.  It doesn’t have to be for long and you can meditate anywhere.  Check out our article the 1 minute meditation for ideas on how to do this.

5.   Inform those who need to know about your condition. Teach your friends, family members and relevant co-workers what to do in case you are experiencing a panic or anxiety attack . Tell them what to say and what not to say.  Usually, someone just talking to me about really mundane stuff would help me get out of my head long enough for the feeling to subside.

6.   Talk to yourself. My personal mantra was, “I’m OK, no one has passed or died from this.” I also made sure to walk and move slowly so that I would not raise my heart rate more than it already was.

7.   Talk to others who are going through the same thing. Join groups or blogs for people with panic disorder. It really helped me to know that I was not alone. This is happening to lots of people and all of them were very willing to share their experiences and the tools that help them cope when panic hits.

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Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

Jun. 03 Death 2 comments

When you have only weeks until your departure from this earth, you have a choice:  you can focus on all the things you’ve enjoyed and accomplished in life, or you can look at the list of things that you regret.  Depending on the life that you’ve lived, the joys will outweigh the regrets, but what if they don’t?  What kinds of things do people regret when they feel death knocking at their door?

Bonnie Ware worked in palliative care (similar to hospice) for many years.  In her line of work, she constantly encountered people who had only between 3 to 12 weeks left to live.  She has written an excellent article and is in the process of writing a book about the conversations she had with her patients.  Bonnie was able to experience first-hand people’s reaction to their own mortality: the variety of emotions, the inner growth, and eventually the peace the patients found by the time the departed.

Bonnie has put together a list of the top 5 regrets that kept resurfacing:

1.  I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

2.  I wish I didn’t work so hard.  This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.  Women also spoke of this regret.  But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.

3.  I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.  As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.  Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they let golden friendships slip by over the years.

5.  I wish that I had let myself be happier. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.  When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

Living a full life, a life that is uniquely yours, is one of the best ways to avoid having these regrets when your time comes.  Find out what life you’d like to live and just do it.  Don’t worry so much about pleasing your boss, your neighbor or your parents.  In the end it is your life and your memories that will matter.  Try to incorporate fun activities with your loved ones.  Pencil in some time to laugh and be silly.   In today’s world of instant communication via social media sites like Facebook, chat rooms and Twitter, you’ll find it easier to share a good conversation or a good laugh with your friends.  Figure out what makes you happy and go do it.  What are you waiting for?

If death was at your doorstep right now, would you be able to say that you have no regrets?

 

To read Bonnie Ware’s original article go here.

Image courtesy of spuffy12.

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Few Americans See Natural Disasters as Sign from God

Jun. 02 News no comments

Most Americans believe in a personal God who is in control of everything that happens in the world, but a new national poll finds few believe that God sometimes punishes nations for the sins of some of its citizens or that earthquakes, floods and other natural disasters are a sign from God.

The new PRRI/RNS Religion News Survey was conducted by Public Religion Research Institute in partnership with Religion News Service following the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan.

“Americans have more natural than supernatural views of disasters such as earthquakes, floods, or hurricanes,” said Dr. Robert P. Jones, CEO of Public Religion Research Institute. “Americans overall resist drawing a straight line from theological beliefs about a personal God to God’s direct role or judgment in particular natural disasters.”

The new survey also finds that Americans are more likely to attribute the increased severity of natural disasters to global climate change than to signs of apocalyptic biblical prophecy. “A solid majority of Americans say that the severity of recent natural disasters is evidence of global climate change, including most religious groups,” said Daniel Cox, PRRI Research Director. “However white evangelical Protestants and Republicans are much more likely to believe that natural disasters are evidence of what the Bible calls the ‘end times’ rather than evidence of global climate change.”

Among the Findings

  • 7-in-10 Americans see God as a person with whom one can have a relationship, and a majority (56%) say God is in control of everything that happens in the world.
  • However, less than 4-in-10 (38%) believe earthquakes, floods and other natural disasters are a sign from God; and even fewer (29%) believe that God sometimes punishes nations for the sins of some of its citizens.
  • White evangelical Protestants are the exception to this pattern. Among evangelicals, about 6-in-10 (59%) believe natural disasters are a sign from God, and a smaller majority (53%) believe that God judges nations for the sins of some of their citizens. Only one-in-five white mainline Protestants or Catholics believe God punishes nations for the sins of some.
  • Nearly 6-in-10 (58%) Americans say that the severity of recent natural disasters is evidence of global climate change, compared to 44% who say that the severity of recent natural disasters is evidence of what the Bible calls the ‘end times.’
  • More than 8-in-10 also say that providing financial assistance to Japan is very important (42%) of somewhat important (41%) despite economic challenges at home. Support is high across political and religious groups.

To read the full results and questionnaire from the Public Religion Research Institute go here.

Image courtesy of annadigiovanni.

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Year of Deadliest Tornadoes leave Thousands Grieving

May. 30 Death no comments

Help is available to those who grieve the loss of a loved one.

by Sandra Champlain
May 31, 2011

2011 has already equaled the record for deaths by tornadoes in a single year with 519 killed in the United States, with still one month to go in the tornado season, The National Weather Service said.

Alabama, which was hit by a wave of tornadoes last month, has suffered the most in 2011 with 243 confirmed deaths. There have been 139 deaths in Missouri from the Joplin tornado, followed by 33 deaths in Tennessee, 31 in Mississippi and 24 in North Carolina.

To some of us in other areas of the country, the tornadoes seem unfortunate, as we watch updates on the evening news.  Before long we are back to ‘channel surfing’ and may catch a reality show, have a snack, then go to bed.  We are peaceful, our loved ones are safe and sound, and the lights go out.

However, hundreds of thousands of people do not have such a luxury.  In Joplin alone, over 49,000 lives were impacted by the tornado.  Many of those people lost their homes, lost their businesses, lost their jobs, lost their every belonging, and many ultimately lost their dreams.  Although our lives are now filled with other activities, these people continue to experience the most painful emotion known to mankind:  Grief.

What is grief? Anyone who has ever had a loved one die, or lost a job or a relationship, or have been told they have a life-threatening illness knows what grief is.  They may not be able to verbalize a definition for you, but they can tell you about the immeasurable pain, sadness, anger, shock, rage, sleepless nights, the need to be alone and the genuine feeling that “life will never be the same.”

Most of us have never been educated about grief and are never prepared for how grief will impact our lives us until a tragedy occurs.  Most grieving people do not understand what they are experiencing is normal and there is a physiological reason why our bodies must experience grief.  Many of the bereaved sink into deep depression and live with regrets.  Many will allow their dreams, aspirations and relationships to die, when suffering a significant loss.  Some even commit suicide.

There is help available right now if you or someone you know is grieving!
The website, www.survivegrief.com is dedicated to helping people through grief and gives massive amount of hope.  A FREE 70 minute audio called “How to Survive Grief” is available to listen to or to download.  This audio gives details about why we grieve, what to expect while grieving, how to lessen the pain of grief, how to help others who are grieving and finally, gives profound hope to all that suffer.

Regardless of if or how you have been impacted by the tornadoes.  One thing is for sure:  grief will eventually twist its way through your life unexpected, as it did with the tornado victims.  I ask that you please do your part, find out who is grieving in your life, and share with them www.survivegrief.com.  Thank you.

To listen to the How to Survive Grief audio, click here. Click on the If You Are Grieving link, scroll to the CD link.

 

Sandra Champlain lives in Byfield. She is chef to race car teams and owns a coffee and chocolate store (www.kentcoffee.com). However, after the death of her father in 2010, she chose to release a free audio ‘How to Survive Grief,’ to give people hope and ease the pain their pain.

 

Image courtesy of Raingarden.

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