Tag: happiness

The Power Of Forgiveness

As We Heal Others, We Heal Ourselves

by Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.

Forgiving others is a compassionate thing to do. We know this. Nonetheless, oftentimes, we don’t do it. We want those who hurt us to suffer for what they did.

By withholding forgiveness we think we are punishing them, we think we are keeping them stuck in a prison of guilt and shame. But the fact is we’re just punishing ourselves in the process.

We’re prolonging our own suffering. We’re withholding from ourselves our own peace of mind. We’re keeping ourselves emotionally tormented. We’re keeping the albatross around our own neck. We are fanning the flame of our own discontentment and emotional suffering.

We’re, essentially, keeping ourselves locked in an emotional prison cell that is now of our own making. We are now victimizing ourselves long after having been victimized by our offenders.

Anger Hurts, Forgiveness Heals

When we forgive others we free ourselves of our anger, our judgments, our grievances, our resentments, and our bitterness, all of which interfere with our present moment joy and inner peace.

When we refuse to forgive others, we relegate ourselves to living in the past and never being in the present moment, in the Eternal Now, where all the good things in life happen.

Consequently, it is always in our own best interests to forgive.

Everyone. No exceptions.

Forgiveness decreases our anger, our depression, our stress and our anxiety. We sleep better. We relate to others better. Our general attitude is more positive, optimistic, and joyful.

All of this contributes to our physical as well as emotional well-being, and maximizes our potential to attract people, places and circumstances into our lives which will propel us towards our dreams and our goals.

 

Walter E. Jacobson, M.D. is a board certified psychiatrist, motivational speaker, and author of Forgive to Win! His primary goal is to help people build their self esteem, overcome self sabotage, and get what they want in life.  To find out more about Dr. Jacobson visit his official site.

Image courtesy of Latuff2.

 

The God Memorandum

TO:  YOU

FROM:  GOD

Take counsel.

I hear your cry.

It passes through the darkness, filters through the clouds, mingles with starlight, and finds its way to my heart on the path of a sunbeam.

I have anguished over the cry of a hare choked in the noose of a snare, a sparrow tumbled from the nest of its mother, a child thrashing helplessly in a pond, and a son shedding his blood on a cross.

Know that I hear you, also. Be at peace. Be calm.

I bring thee relief for your sorrow for I know its cause … and its cure.

You weep for all your childhood dreams that have vanished with the years.

You weep for all your self-esteem that has been corrupted by failure.

You weep for all your potential that has been bartered for security.

You weep for all your talent that has been wasted through misuse.

You look upon yourself with disgrace and you turn in terror from the image you see in the pool. Who is this mockery of humanity staring back at you with bloodless eyes of shame?

Where is the grace of your manner, the beauty of your figure, the quickness of your movement, the clarity of your mind, the brilliance of your tongue? Who stole your goods? Is the thief’s identity known to you, as it is to me?

Once you placed your head in a pillow of grass in your father’s field and looked up at a cathedral of clouds and knew that all the gold of Babylon would be yours in time.

Once you read from many books and wrote on many tablets, convinced beyond any doubt that all the wisdom of Solomon would be equaled and surpassed by you.

And the seasons would flow into years until lo, you would reign supreme in your own garden of Eden.

Dost thou remember who implanted those plans and dreams and seeds of hope within you?

You cannot.

You have no memory of that moment when first you emerged from your mother’s womb and I placed my hand on your soft brow. And the secret I whispered in your small ear when I bestowed my blessings upon you?

Remember our secret?

You cannot.

The passing years have destroyed your recollection, for they have filled your mind with fear and doubt and anxiety and remorse and hate and there is no room for joyful memories where these beasts habitate.

Weep no more. I am with you … and this moment is the dividing line of your life. All that has gone before is like unto no more than that time you slept within your mother’s womb. What is past is dead. Let the dead bury the dead.

This day you return from the living dead.

This day, like unto Elijah with the widow’s son, I stretch myself upon thee three times and you live again.

This day, like unto Elisha with the Shunammite’s son, I put my mouth upon your mouth and my eyes upon your eyes and my hands upon your hands and your flesh is warm again.

This day, like unto Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus, I command you to come forth and you will walk from your cave of doom to begin a new life.

This is your birthday. This is your new date of birth. Your first life, like unto a play of the theatre, was only a rehearsal. This time the curtain is up. This time the world watches and waits to applaud. This time you will not fail.

Light your candles. Share your cake. Pour the wine. You have been reborn.

Like a butterfly from its chrysalis you will fly … fly as high as you wish, and neither the wasps nor dragonflies nor mantids of mankind shall obstruct your mission or your search for the true riches of life.

Feel my hand upon thy head.

Attend to my wisdom.

Let me share with you, again, the secret you heard at your birth and forgot.

You are my greatest miracle.

You are the greatest miracle in the world.

Those were the first words you ever heard. Then you cried. They all cry …

You did not believe me then … and nothing has happened in the intervening years to correct your disbelief. For how could you be a miracle when you consider yourself a failure at the most menial of tasks? How can you be a miracle when you have little confidence in dealing with the most trivial of responsibilities? How can you be a miracle when you are shackled by debt and lie awake in torment over whence will come tomorrow’s bread?

Enough. The milk that is spilled is sour. Yet, how many prophets, how many wise men, how many poets, how many artists, how many composers, how many scientists, how many philosophers and messengers have I sent with word of your divinity, your potential for godliness, and the secrets of achievement? How did you treat them?

Still I love you and I am with you now, through these words, to fulfill the prophet who announced that the Lord shall set his hand again, the second time, to recover the remnant of his people.

I have set my hand again.

This is the second time.

You are my remnant.

It is of no avail to ask, haven’t you known, haven’t you heard, hasn’t it been told to you from the beginning; haven’t you understood from the foundations of the earth?

You have not known; you have not heard; you have not understood.

You have been told that you are a divinity in disguise, a god playing a fool.

You have been told that you a special piece of work, noble in reason, infinite in faculties, express and admirable in form and moving, like an angel in action, like a god in apprehension.

You have been told that you are the salt of the earth.

You were given the secret even of moving mountains, of performing the impossible.

You believed no one. You burned your map to happiness, you abandoned your claim to peace of mind, you snuffed out the candles that had been placed along your destined path of glory, and then you stumbled, lost and frightened, in the darkness of futility and self-pity, until you fell into a hell of your own creation.

Then you cried and beat your breast and cursed the luck that had befallen you. You refused to accept the consequences of your own petty thoughts and lazy deeds and you searched for a scapegoat on which to blame your failure. How quickly you found one.

You blamed me!

You cried that your handicaps, your mediocrity, your lack of opportunity, your failures … were the will of God!

You were wrong!

Let us take inventory. Let us, first, call a roll of your handicaps. For how can I ask you to build a new life lest you have the tools?

Are you blind? Does the sun rise and fall without your witness?

No. You can see … and the hundred million receptors I have placed in your eyes enable you to enjoy the magic of a leaf, a snowflake, a pond, an eagle, a child, a cloud, a star, a rose, a rainbow … and the look of love. Count one blessing.

Are you deaf? Can a baby laugh or cry without your attention?

No. You can hear … and the twenty-four thousand fibers I have built in each of your ears vibrate to the wind in the trees, the tides on the rocks, the majesty of an opera, a robin’s plea, children at play … and the words I love you. Count another blessing.

Are you mute? Do your lips move and bring forth only spittle?

No. You can speak … as can no other of my creatures, and your words can calm the angry, uplift the despondent, goad the quitter, cheer the unhappy, warm the lonely, praise the worthy, encourage the defeated, teach the ignorant … and say I love you. Count another blessing.

Are you paralyzed? Does your helpless form despoil the land?

No. You can move. You are not a tree condemned to a small plot while the wind and world abuses you. You can stretch and run and dance and work, for within you I have designed five hundred muscles, two hundred bones, and seven miles of nerve fiber all synchronized by me to do your bidding. Count another blessing.

Are you unloved and unloving? Does loneliness engulf you, night and day?

No. No more. For now you know love’s secret, that to receive love it must be given with no thought of its return. To love for fulfillment, satisfaction, or pride is no love. Love is a gift on which no return is demanded. Now you know that to love unselfishly is its own reward. And even should love not be returned it is not lost, for love not reciprocated will flow back to you and soften and purify your heart. Count another blessing. Count twice.

Is your heart stricken? Does it leak and strain to maintain your life?

No. Your heart is strong. Touch your chest and feel its rhythm, pulsating, hour after hour, day and night, thirty-six million beats each year, year after year, asleep or awake, pumping your blood through more than sixty thousand miles of veins, arteries, and tubing … pumping more than six hundred thousand gallons each year. Man has never created such a machine. Count another blessing.

Are you diseased of skin? Do people turn in horror when you approach?

No. Your skin is clear and a marvel of creation, needing only that you tend it with soap and oil and brush and care. In time all steels will tarnish and rust, but not your skin. Eventually the strongest of metals will wear, with use, but not that layer that I have constructed around you. Constantly it renews itself, old cells replaced by new, just as the old you is now replaced by the new. Count another blessing.

Are your lungs befouled? Does your breath of life struggle to enter your body?

No. Your portholes to life support you even in the vilest of environments of your own making, and they labor always to filter life-giving oxygen through six hundred million pockets of folded flesh while they rid your body of gaseous wastes. Count another blessing.

Is your blood poisoned? Is it diluted with water and pus?

No. Within your five quarts of blood are twenty-two trillion blood cells and within each cell are millions of molecules and within each molecule is an atom oscillating at more than ten million times each second. Each second, two million of your blood cells die to be replaced by two million more in a resurrection that has continued since your first birth. As it has always been inside, so now it is on your outside. Count another blessing.

Are you feeble of mind? Can you no longer think for yourself?

No. Your brain is the most complex structure in the universe. I know. Within its three pounds are thirteen billion nerve cells, more than three times as many cells as there are people on your earth. To help you file away every perception, every sound, every taste, every smell, every action you have experienced since the day of your birth, I have implanted, within your cells, more than one thousand billion billion protein molecules. Every incident in your life is there waiting only your recall. And, to assist your brain in the control of your body I have dispersed, throughout your form, four million pain-sensitive structures, five hundred thousand touch detectors, and more than two hundred thousand temperature detectors. No nation’s gold is better protected than you. None of your ancient wonders are greater than you.

You are my finest creation.

Within you is enough atomic energy to destroy any of the world’s great cities … and rebuild it.

Are you poor? Is there no gold or silver in your purse?

No. You are rich! Together we have just counted your wealth. Study the list. Count them again. Tally your assets!

Why have you betrayed yourself? Why have you cried that all the blessings of humanity were removed from you? Why did you deceive yourself that you were powerless to change your life? Are you without talent, senses, abilities, pleasures, instincts, sensations, and pride? Are you without hope? Why do you cringe in the shadows, a giant defeated, awaiting only sympathetic transport into the welcome void and dampness of hell?

You have so much. Your blessings overflow your cup … and you have been unmindful of them, like a child spoiled in luxury, since I have bestowed them upon you with generosity and regularity.

Answer me.

Answer yourself.

What rich man, old and sick, feeble and helpless, would not exchange all the gold in his vault for the blessings you have treated so lightly.

Know then the first secret to happiness and success – that you possess, even now, every blessing necessary to achieve great glory. They are your treasure, your tools with which to build, starting today, the foundation for a new and better life.

Therefore, I say unto you, count your blessings and know that you already are my greatest creation. This is the first law you must obey in order to perform the greatest miracle in the world, the return of your humanity from living death.

And be grateful for your lessons learned in poverty. For he is not poor who has little; only he that desires much … and true security lies not in the things one has but in the things one can do without.

Where are the handicaps that produced your failure? They existed only in your mind.

Count your blessings.

And the second law is like unto the first. Proclaim your rarity.

You had condemned yourself to a potter’s field, and there you lay, unable to forgive your own failure, destroying yourself with self-hate, self-incrimination, and revulsion at your crimes against yourself and others.

Are you not perplexed?

Do you not wonder why I am able to forgive your failures, your transgressions, your pitiful demeanor … when you cannot forgive yourself?

I address you now, for three reasons. You need me. You are not one of a herd heading for destruction in a gray mass of mediocrity. And … you are a great rarity.

Consider a painting by Rembrandt or a bronze by Degas or a violin by Stradivarius or a play by Shakespeare. They have great value for two reasons: their creators were masters and they are few in number. Yet there are more than one of each of these.

On that reasoning you are the most valuable treasure on the face of the earth, for you know who created you and there is only one of you.

Never, in all the seventy billion humans who have walked this planet since the beginning of time has there been anyone exactly like you.

Never, until the end of time, will there be another such as you.

You have shown no knowledge or appreciation of your uniqueness.

Yet, you are the rarest thing in the world.

From your father, in his moment of supreme love, flowed countless seeds of love, more than four hundred million in number. All of them, as they swam within your mother, gave up the ghost and died. All except one! You.

You alone persevered within the loving warmth of your mother’s body, searching for your other half, a single cell from your mother so small that more than two million would be necessary to fill an acorn shell. Yet, despite impossible odds, in that vast ocean of darkness and disaster, you persevered, found that infinitesimal cell, joined with it, and began a new life. Your life.

You arrived, bringing with you, as does every child, the message that I was not yet discouraged of man. Two cells now united in a miracle. Two cells, each containing twenty-three chromosomes and within each chromosome hundreds of genes, which would govern every characteristic about you, from the color of your eyes to the charm of your manner, to the size of your brain.

With all the combinations at my command, beginning with that single sperm from your father’s four hundred million, through the hundreds of genes in each of the chromosomes from your mother and father, I could have created three hundred thousand billion humans, each different from the other.

But who did I bring forth?

You! One of a kind. Rarest of the rare. A priceless treasure, possessed of qualities in mind and speech and movement and appearance and actions as no other who has ever lived, lives, or shall live.

Why have you valued yourself in pennies when you are worth a king’s ransom?

Why did you listen to those who demeaned you … and far worse, why did you believe them?

Take counsel. No longer hide your rarity in the dark. Bring it forth. Show the world. Strive not to walk as your brother walks, nor talk as your leader talks, nor labor as do the mediocre. Never do as another. Never imitate. For how do you know that you may not imitate evil; and he who imitates evil always goes beyond the example set, while he who imitates what is good always falls short. Imitate no one. Be yourself. Show your rarity to the world and they will shower you with gold. This then is the second law.

Proclaim your rarity.

And now you have received two laws.

Count your blessings! Proclaim your rarity!

You have no handicaps. You are not mediocre.

You nod. You force a smile. You admit your self-deception.

What of your next complaint? Opportunity never seeks thee?

Take counsel and it shall come to pass, for now I give you the law of success in every venture. Many centuries ago this law was given to your forefathers from a mountain top. Some heeded the law and lo, their life was filled with the fruit of happiness, accomplishment, gold, and peace of mind. Most listened not, for they sought magic means, devious routes, or waited for the devil called luck to deliver to them the riches of life. They waited in vain … just as you waited, and then they wept, blaming their lack of fortune.

The law is simple. Young or old, pauper or king, white or black, male or female … all can use the secret to their advantage; for all the rules and speeches and scriptures of success and how to attain it, only one method has never failed … whomsoever shall compel ye to go with him one mile … go with him two.

This then is the third law … the secret that will produce riches and acclaim beyond your dreams. Go another mile!

The only certain means of success is to render more and better service than is expected of you, no matter what your task may be. This is a habit followed by all successful people since the beginning of time. Therefore I saith the surest way to doom yourself to mediocrity is to perform only the work for which you are paid.

Think not ye are being cheated if you deliver more than the silver you receive. For there is a pendulum to all life and the sweat you deliver, if not rewarded today, will swing back tomorrow, tenfold. The mediocre never goes another mile, for why should he cheat himself, he thinks. But you are not mediocre. To go another mile is a privilege you must appropriate by your own initiative. You cannot, you must not avoid it. Neglect it, do only as little as the others, and the responsibility for your failure is yours alone.

You can no more render service without receiving just compensation than you can withhold the rendering of it without suffering the loss of reward. Cause and effect, means and ends, seed and fruit, these cannot be separated. The effect already blooms in the cause, the end pre-exists in the means, and the fruit is always in the seed.

Go another mile.

Concern yourself not, should you serve an ungrateful master. Serve him more.

And instead of him, let it be me who is in your debt, for then you will know that every minute, every stroke of extra service will be repaid. And worry not, should your reward not come soon. For the longer payment is withheld, the better for you … and compound interest on compound interest is this law’s greatest benefit.

You cannot command success, you can only deserve it … and now you know the great secret necessary in order to merit its rare reward.

Go another mile!

Where is this field whence you cried there was no opportunity? Look! Look around thee. See, where only yesterday you wallowed on the refuse of self-pity, you now walk tall on a carpet of gold. Nothing has changed … except you, but you are everything.

You are my greatest miracle.

You are the greatest miracle in the world.

And now the laws of happiness and success are three.

Count your blessings! Proclaim your rarity! Go another mile!

Be patient with your progress. To count your blessings with gratitude, to proclaim your rarity with pride, to go an extra mile and then another, these acts are not accomplished in the blinking of an eye. Yet, that which you acquire with most difficulty you retain the longest; as those who have earned a fortune are more careful of it than those by whom it was inherited.

And fear not as you enter your new life. Every noble acquisition is attended with its risks. He who fears to encounter the one must not expect to obtain the other. Now you know you are a miracle. And there is no fear in a miracle.

Be proud. You are not the momentary whim of a careless creator experimenting in the laboratory of life. You are not a slave of forces that you cannot comprehend. You are a free manifestation of no force but mine, of no love but mine. You were made with a purpose.

Feel my hand. Hear my words.

You need me … and I need you.

We have a world to rebuild … and if it requireth a miracle what is that to us? We are both miracles and now we have each other.

Never have I lost faith in you since that day when I first spun you from a giant wave and tossed you helplessly on the sands. As you measure time that was more than five hundred million years ago. There were many models, many shapes, many sizes, before I reached perfection in you more than thirty thousand years ago. I have made no further effort to improve on you in all these years.

For how could one improve on a miracle? You were a marvel to behold and I was pleased. I gave you this world and dominion over it. Then, to enable you to reach your full potential I placed my hand upon you, once more, and endowed you with powers unknown to any other creature in the universe, even unto this day.

I gave you the power to think.
I gave you the power to love.
I gave you the power to will.
I gave you the power to laugh.
I gave you the power to imagine.
I gave you the power to create.
I gave you the power to plan.
I gave you the power to speak.
I gave you the power to pray.
I gave you the power to heal.

My pride in you knew no bounds. You were my ultimate creation, my greatest miracle. A complete living being. One who can adjust to any climate, any hardship, any challenge. One who can manage his own destiny without any interference from me. One who can translate a sensation or perception, not by instinct, but by thought and deliberation into whatever action is best for himself and all humanity.

Thus we come to the fourth law of success and happiness … for I gave you one more power, a power so great that not even my angels possess it.

I gave you … the power to choose.

With this gift I placed you even above my angels … for angels are not free to choose sin. I gave you complete control over your destiny. I told you to determine, for yourself, your own nature in accordance with your own free will. Neither heavenly nor earthly in nature, you were free to fashion yourself in whatever form you preferred. You had the power to choose to degenerate into the lowest forms of life, but you also had the power, out of your soul’s judgment, to be reborn into the higher forms, which are divine.

I have never withdrawn your great power, the power to choose.

What have you done with this tremendous force? Look at yourself. Think of the choices you have made in your life and recall, now, those bitter moments when you would fall to your knees if only you had the opportunity to choose again.

What is past is past … and now you know the fourth great law of happiness and success … Use wisely, your power of choice.

Choose to love … rather than hate.
Choose to laugh … rather than cry.
Choose to create … rather than destroy.
Choose to persevere … rather than quit.
Choose to praise … rather than gossip.
Choose to heal … rather than wound.
Choose to give … rather than steal.
Choose to act … rather than procrastinate.
Choose to grow … rather than rot.
Choose to pray … rather than curse.
Choose to live … rather than die.

Now you know that your misfortunes were not my will, for all power was vested in you, and the accumulation of deeds and thoughts which placed you on the refuse of humanity were your doing, not mine. My gifts of power were too large for your small nature. Now you have grown tall and wise and the fruits of the land will be yours.

You are more than a human being, you are a human becoming.

You are capable of great wonders. Your potential is unlimited. Who else, among my creatures, has mastered fire? Who else, among my creatures, has conquered gravity, has pierced the heavens, has conquered disease and pestilence and drought?

Never demean yourself again!

Never settle for the crumbs of life!

Never hide your talents, from this day hence!

Remember the child who says, “when I am big boy.” But what is that? For the big boy says. “when I grow up.” And then the grown up, he says, “when I am wed.” But to be wed, what is that, after all? The thought then changes to “when I retire.” And then, retirement comes, and he looks back over it and somehow he has missed it all and it is gone.

Enjoy this day, today … and tomorrow, tomorrow.

You have performed the greatest miracle in the world.

You have returned from a living death.

You will feel self-pity no more and each new day will be a challenge and a joy.

You have been born again … but just as before, you can choose failure and despair or success and happiness. The choice is yours. The choice is exclusively yours. I can only watch, as before … in pride … or sorrow.

Remember, then, the four laws of happiness and success.

Count your blessings.

Proclaim your rarity.

Go another mile.

Use wisely your power of choice.

And one more, to fulfill the other four. Do all things with love … love for yourself, love for all others, and love for me.

Wipe away your tears. Reach out, grasp my hand, and stand straight.

Let me cut the grave cloths that have bound you.

This day you have been notified.

YOU ARE THE GREATEST MIRACLE IN THE WORLD

 

Excerpt from the book “The Greatest Miracle in the World” by Og Mandino.

A Positive Attitude During Difficult Times

We are told that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade.  But let’s face it, sometimes you want to throw that lemon right back with as much force as you can muster.  When you’re facing an empty refrigerator, or an eviction notice, or the loss of a loved one, it is hard to see the positive side of life and remain happy and strong.  In theory we know we should maintain a positive attitude but putting it into practice in real life is hard.  Or is it?  The fictional story below is an inspiring example of how one person managed to make lemonade even when faced with his mortality.  Enjoy!

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant in America. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!” Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs; they would follow him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, “I don’t get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life.”

“But it’s not always that easy,” I protested.

“Yes, it is,” Jerry said, “Life is all about choices When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. It’s your choice how you live your life.”

Several years later, I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business: he left the back door of his restaurant open one morning and was robbed by three armed men. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Want to see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.
“The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied. “Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared?” I asked.

Jerry continued, “The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘He’s a dead man.’ I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked. “Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything.” ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead’.

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we always have a choice.  We can choose to remain bitter or to smile and move on.  We can choose to remain chained by fear or break those chains and start enjoying life.  We can choose to live, or we can choose to die.   The choice is always yours to make.  No one else can make it for you.

 

This story is courtesy of the View on Buddhism website.

To purchase a copy of the image on this post go to Adila’s site on Deviantart.

From Suicide to Self Love

Sitting on the bathroom floor puking my guts out, I made a resolution that I intended to keep:  I would never ever try to commit suicide again.  At the time I didn’t know if I had been successful at stopping the pills from killing me, but I had the sudden realization that I didn’t really want to die.  No one was worth dying for, not even someone whom I loved with all my heart.  So I stopped, hid the suicide note under the bed, and went to the hospital in the morning to get my stomach pumped.

It all started at age 14 when I met someone that I fell madly in love with.  At the time I thought I knew it all and after seven years of dating, I found out that I didn’t.  Suffice it to say that I married for love and purposefully turned a blind eye to what everyone was telling me:  that he wasn’t the right person for me.  To make a long story short, after one week of marriage I was wrongfully accused of cheating and before it had even started, my marriage had effectively ended.

Ultimately I decided to take my life because I had bought into the words that my husband threw at me:  that I wasn’t worthy, that I was trash, that I didn’t deserve to be alive. After storming out of the house vowing to find a gun to come and kill me, I decided that I would rather do it myself.  I gathered all the pills in the house and took as many as I could before my body reacted and started expelling them from my system.

I had already taken quite a bit of pills before I began questioning what I was doing.  From somewhere deep within me, my rational mind kicked in and I realized that what I was doing wasn’t the answer.  I wanted the pain and the situation to stop.  I didn’t want to die.  Not really.  And if I didn’t want to die then no one was going to kill me either.

To make a long story short, my husband drove me to the hospital, I went immediately to a psychiatrist who declared me mentally healthy, and one month later I had my freedom.  He went to jail and I went back to college.

It took a while to piece myself back together, but I did and now I’m that much stronger for having had the experience.  So how did I do it?  What did I do to get me out of the depression and to gain back some of the self love that I had lost?

1. I sat still but kept my hands busy. I kept myself occupied at work during the day and in the evening I took up painting ceramics.  I didn’t want to talk to anyone and so I didn’t.  I started by painting a crucifix, then angels.  Next came a mermaid followed by a dragon.  I didn’t put too much thought into what I would paint, I just picked what called out to me.  Each piece that I painted healed me in a way that no psychiatrist ever could.  The crucifix represented suffering and sacrifice.  The angels meant softness and smiles.  The mermaid represented the beauty that I had lost.  The dragon represented strength and determination.  By the time I got halfway through the dragon, I was ready to pick up my life where I had left off.

2.  I made sure to never be alone. Whether I wanted to speak to anyone or not, I felt it necessary and wise to surround myself with people.  If I couldn’t sleep at night I would find someone who was still up and I’d quietly sit nearby.  Or I would simply wake up my roommate.  Everyone respected my silence but they were also quick to offer a hug and a loving word whenever I needed it.  Strangers just thought I was shy and went the extra mile to make me feel welcome around them.

3.  I pursued one of my life’s goals. I was on a year-long leave of absence from college and I decided that I needed to go back.  Obtaining as much learning as I can has always been my passion and graduating from college had always been one of many goals.  It turned out to be perfect.  Between classes and homework and work, I had very little time to be depressed.

4.  I surrounded myself with  happy people that didn’t know my story. I didn’t want any pity and I didn’t want to discuss what had happened.  I made sure that I hung out with people who knew nothing about me and this gave me the chance to reinvent myself.  This helped me immensely to quickly become who I wanted to be.

5.  I never saw him again. It’s been over 10 years and I have not seen him once.  I kept hearing stories of people who had gone back to damaging relationships and I didn’t want to be tempted in any way.  So I disappeared from his life and he disappeared from mine.

6.  I read about other people’s experiences. I picked up every book I could find and felt inspiration by people who had had similar experiences but had pulled themselves out of it.  I realized that I wasn’t alone.  I made a mental note of the ways in which the characters in the books were able to pull themselves out of depressions and back into the land of self love, and I implemented them slowly.

Have I ever been tempted to take my life again?  Sure.  I think we’ve all experienced these thoughts at one time or another, especially at the darkest hours.  However, all I have to do is remember what it actually felt like to be one inch from losing your life and this stops me in my tracks.  I also read somewhere something that has helped me greatly.  I don’t remember the source but it said that if we commit suicide we are destined to keep coming back and repeating the exact same life until we are able to complete it.  I don’t know about you but the thought of having to go through some of those moments again is enough for me to want to finish it the right way now.  I don’t know if it’s true or not but I definitely don’t want to find out.

So why am I sharing this story now?  Soulgineering is about growth and self love.  It is about sharing stories so that others can be inspired and encouraged by them.  Something whispered in my ear tonight and told me that my story needs to be told because someone out there really needs it.  So whoever you are, if my story helps you in any way, then it was all worth it.

The Step After the Ouch!

Have you ever wanted to pursue your dreams but you were afraid that you would fail and fall flat on your face?  What would happen if instead of giving up, you decided to get up and take the next step?

Darren LaCroix gave an award winning speech where he addressed this issue in particular.  Not only did he give an outstanding speech, he was willing to literally fall down in front of a live audience, just to show you that it’s okay if you fall, just don’t stay down.

Darren had a dream of becoming a sandwich shop owner.  He successfully managed to start it and took a $60,000 debt and doubled it in 6 months.  In a financial sense, he failed and fell flat on his face.  However, he decided not to stay down and instead he learned the lesson so that he wouldn’t do it again.

We all have dreams and we all have excuses as to why we can’t reach them.  We’ll say to ourselves that now’s not a good time but maybe when we’re thinner, or when we have more money, or when the kids get older, then we’ll pursue our dreams.  But maybe, just maybe, our true reason is that we fear falling flat on our face and having people around us laugh at our attempts.

Remember the last time you fell.  Did you hope no one noticed?  Were you more concerned about what others thought of you than you were with your wounds?  Did you stay down too long?

What would  you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?  What would you do if instead of staying down on the ground you decided to get up and take the next step after the big ouch?

People will make fun of your first step.  But those strangers are just obstacles in your way.  We also have friends and family that love us and don’t want to see us fall on our faces.  Everyone you encounter is just part of the process so just take in in stride and do something.  It doesn’t have to be a big first step.  And even if you fall, it’s the step after the ouch that counts.  Use that fall as valuable negative information.  Information that will help you figure out what will work and won’t.

When we get caught up in our fears and can’t move, we forget that if we lean forward and take a risk and fall on our face, when we get up we’ve still made progress.

So go ahead and fall, but fall forward.

 

To learn more about Darren LaCroix go here.

To watch the video on Youtube go here.

The Fisherman and the American

A boat docked in a tiny village. An American tourist complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

“Not very long,” answered the fisherman.

“But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American.

The fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life.”

The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.”

“And after that?” asked the fisherman.

“With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.”

“How long would that take?” asked the fisherman.

“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the American.

“And after that?”

“Afterwards? Well my friend, that’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the American, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!”

“Millions? Really? And after that?” asked the fisherman.

“After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends.”

And the moral of this story is: ……… Know where you’re going in life… you may already be there.

 

Author Unknown

Photo courtesy of waiaung.

Dalai Lama: Compassion Personified

Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, is not only the head of state and the spiritual leader of Tibet, he is also a living example of love, understanding and compassion.  He travels around the world spreading messages of peace, religious tolerance, happiness, and kindness.

He has inspired millions of people around the world through his books, writings, actions and charismatic personality.  He always has a smile to share and a warm heart that he willingly shares with everyone.

Some of the more inspiring quotes that are reflective of his belief system include:

  • It is necessary to help others, not only in our prayers, but in our daily lives. If we find we cannot help others, the least we can do is to desist from harming them.
  • Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.
  • There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.
  • With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.
The Dalai Lama lives a life in pursuit of three major commitments:
  1. The promotion of human values such as compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, contentment and self-discipline.
  2. The promotion of religious harmony and understanding among the world’s major religious traditions.
  3. To act as the free spokesperson of the Tibetans in their struggle for justice.

In addition to being the author of over 70 books, the Dalai Lama has received over 84 awards, honorary doctorates, prizes, etc., in recognition of his message of peace, non-violence, inter-religious understanding, universal responsibility and compassion.  However, through it all he remains humble and describes himself as a simple Buddhist monk.

Background

At the age of two he was recognized as the reincarnation of the 13th Dalai Lama.  The Dalai Lamas are believed to be manifestations of Avalokiteshvara or Chenrezig, the Bodhisattva of Compassion and patron saint of Tibet.  Bodhisattvas are enlightened beings who have postponed their own nirvana and chosen to take rebirth in order to serve humanity.

Growing up he studied various subjects including:  logic, Tibetan art and culture, Sanskrit, medicine, the perfection of wisdom, philosophy, the canon of monastic discipline, metaphysics, logic and epistemology, poetry, music and drama, astrology, motre and phrasing, and synonyms.

In 1950 the Dalai Lama assumed full political power after China’s invasion of Tibet in 1949.  He has been living in exile since 1959 in northern India.

The Dalai Lama is a man of peace and in 1989 he was awarded a Nobel prize for his non-violent efforts to liberate Tibet.  Through his peace initiatives, the Dalai Lama envisions that Tibet can become a zone of peace at the heart of Asia, where all sentient beings can exist in harmony and the delicate environment can be preserved.  But his efforts are not limited only to Tibet as he has also been recognized for his concern for global environmental problems.

 

To find out more about the Dalai Lama visit his official website here.

To read more quotes from the Dalai Lama you can go here.

Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

When you have only weeks until your departure from this earth, you have a choice:  you can focus on all the things you’ve enjoyed and accomplished in life, or you can look at the list of things that you regret.  Depending on the life that you’ve lived, the joys will outweigh the regrets, but what if they don’t?  What kinds of things do people regret when they feel death knocking at their door?

Bonnie Ware worked in palliative care (similar to hospice) for many years.  In her line of work, she constantly encountered people who had only between 3 to 12 weeks left to live.  She has written an excellent article and is in the process of writing a book about the conversations she had with her patients.  Bonnie was able to experience first-hand people’s reaction to their own mortality: the variety of emotions, the inner growth, and eventually the peace the patients found by the time the departed.

Bonnie has put together a list of the top 5 regrets that kept resurfacing:

1.  I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

2.  I wish I didn’t work so hard.  This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.  Women also spoke of this regret.  But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.

3.  I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.  As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.  Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they let golden friendships slip by over the years.

5.  I wish that I had let myself be happier. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.  When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

Living a full life, a life that is uniquely yours, is one of the best ways to avoid having these regrets when your time comes.  Find out what life you’d like to live and just do it.  Don’t worry so much about pleasing your boss, your neighbor or your parents.  In the end it is your life and your memories that will matter.  Try to incorporate fun activities with your loved ones.  Pencil in some time to laugh and be silly.   In today’s world of instant communication via social media sites like Facebook, chat rooms and Twitter, you’ll find it easier to share a good conversation or a good laugh with your friends.  Figure out what makes you happy and go do it.  What are you waiting for?

If death was at your doorstep right now, would you be able to say that you have no regrets?

 

To read Bonnie Ware’s original article go here.

Image courtesy of spuffy12.

Bob Marley: Being in Love

How do you know  you have fallen in love?  Bob Marley, the famous Jamaican singer, describes what it felt like to him.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face.

In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

 

What Being Broke has Taught Me

One day I was having what could have been perceived as a tough conversation with my niece.  We were on the way to the pawn shop and we were talking about why we needed to be there.  I explained that my sister had offered to pay the pawn fees in exchange for being able to use my digital camera – a camera that I need to take beautiful photographs and earn a living but had had to pawn for grocery money.  I should have been embarrassed or distraught or facing a similarly negative emotion.  Instead, I found myself talking about the great service that pawn shops provide when someone is in a bind and need money quickly.  This in turn led to a conversation about money and the role of credit in our lives.

In remembering the conversation and going over it in my mind, I realized that I’ve come very far in my personal development.  I went from being poor growing up (although I didn’t realize it at the time), to being a broke student in college, to being well off with a stable career, to being broke again.  I have found that I really did believe at some point that money buys happiness.  Now I know it’s not true.  I have consciously decided to leave the corporate world behind and become self-employed.  A risky move in these tough times, but a decision that leaves my soul smiling from ear to ear.  I am in a good place emotionally and spiritually and I have good relationships with my loved ones.  I have no doubt in my mind that these things are what make me happy.  Money comes and goes, but my inner health and well-being and my relationship with loved ones are what bring me peace and joy.

I’ve learned a lot by being broke.  I’ve learned to distinguish between true friends and conditional friends.  I have learned that I don’t need to buy my family expensive gifts or invite them to lavish dinners in order for them to love me.  I have found that when money fails, I can still help others in need by giving them something that everyone craves: love, attention and validation.  I have learned that you should never judge a homeless or destitute person because you don’t know the circumstances that brought that person there. I have realized that a dinner cooked with love and served with a healthy portion of affection is more valuable than dinner at the fanciest restaurant. I’ve learned that buying generic can save valuable dollars that you can later use to treat your loved one to a movie or an ice cream.  I have found that sometimes a listening ear and a compassionate heart are more valuable than all the money in my bank account.

Being broke also led me to re-discover myself.  I found things about me that I had long forgotten or skills I didn’t even know I had.  For example, I found that I love photography and graphic design and people actually enjoy my work.  I discovered the gift of gab that had long been dormant.  In spending more time with my nieces and nephews, I found that I have a natural ability to teach.  During periods of unemployment or underemployment, I found that I had plenty of time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and what made me tick.  Working 60-hour workweeks and commuting at least two hours a day left me exhausted and grouchy.  I had no desire to ponder the meaning of life and my role in it.  The extra time allowed me to figure out who I was, what I wanted to do, and what legacy I wanted to leave behind.

In this society, money is still needed to survive.  While I’m still willing and able to earn it I will continue to do so.  However, money to me has become a tool that enables me to take care of the everyday things so that I can focus on the bigger picture.  Money is not my destination, it is a tool that helps me on my journey.  Money doesn’t define me anymore.  My actions and beliefs do.  I can hold my head up high and let the world know that I may be broke, but I am not broken.  It is a lesson that has cost me most of my worldly possessions, but a lesson that I will gladly repeat if it means that I can continue to be free inside.

 

Image courtesy of milenita.