Tag: life

Old Age is a Gift

Jun. 28 Featured Posts no comments

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body – the wrinkles, the baggy eyes and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4:00 am and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50s & 60s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say “no” and mean it. I can say “yes” and mean it. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.

 

Author unknown.

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A Positive Attitude During Difficult Times

Jun. 15 Stress 3 comments

We are told that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade.  But let’s face it, sometimes you want to throw that lemon right back with as much force as you can muster.  When you’re facing an empty refrigerator, or an eviction notice, or the loss of a loved one, it is hard to see the positive side of life and remain happy and strong.  In theory we know we should maintain a positive attitude but putting it into practice in real life is hard.  Or is it?  The fictional story below is an inspiring example of how one person managed to make lemonade even when faced with his mortality.  Enjoy!

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant in America. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!” Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs; they would follow him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, “I don’t get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life.”

“But it’s not always that easy,” I protested.

“Yes, it is,” Jerry said, “Life is all about choices When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. It’s your choice how you live your life.”

Several years later, I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business: he left the back door of his restaurant open one morning and was robbed by three armed men. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Want to see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.
“The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied. “Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared?” I asked.

Jerry continued, “The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘He’s a dead man.’ I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked. “Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything.” ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead’.

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we always have a choice.  We can choose to remain bitter or to smile and move on.  We can choose to remain chained by fear or break those chains and start enjoying life.  We can choose to live, or we can choose to die.   The choice is always yours to make.  No one else can make it for you.

 

This story is courtesy of the View on Buddhism website.

To purchase a copy of the image on this post go to Adila’s site on Deviantart.

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Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

Jun. 03 Death 2 comments

When you have only weeks until your departure from this earth, you have a choice:  you can focus on all the things you’ve enjoyed and accomplished in life, or you can look at the list of things that you regret.  Depending on the life that you’ve lived, the joys will outweigh the regrets, but what if they don’t?  What kinds of things do people regret when they feel death knocking at their door?

Bonnie Ware worked in palliative care (similar to hospice) for many years.  In her line of work, she constantly encountered people who had only between 3 to 12 weeks left to live.  She has written an excellent article and is in the process of writing a book about the conversations she had with her patients.  Bonnie was able to experience first-hand people’s reaction to their own mortality: the variety of emotions, the inner growth, and eventually the peace the patients found by the time the departed.

Bonnie has put together a list of the top 5 regrets that kept resurfacing:

1.  I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

2.  I wish I didn’t work so hard.  This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.  Women also spoke of this regret.  But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.

3.  I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.  As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.  Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they let golden friendships slip by over the years.

5.  I wish that I had let myself be happier. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.  When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

Living a full life, a life that is uniquely yours, is one of the best ways to avoid having these regrets when your time comes.  Find out what life you’d like to live and just do it.  Don’t worry so much about pleasing your boss, your neighbor or your parents.  In the end it is your life and your memories that will matter.  Try to incorporate fun activities with your loved ones.  Pencil in some time to laugh and be silly.   In today’s world of instant communication via social media sites like Facebook, chat rooms and Twitter, you’ll find it easier to share a good conversation or a good laugh with your friends.  Figure out what makes you happy and go do it.  What are you waiting for?

If death was at your doorstep right now, would you be able to say that you have no regrets?

 

To read Bonnie Ware’s original article go here.

Image courtesy of spuffy12.

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