Whether you’ve been with someone for a few weeks, months, or years, determining whether you should stay in a relationship or leave is a decision that can be hard to reach. You once thought that you were perfect for each other but you are starting to have doubts. Or perhaps your partner has started hinting that you might be better off if you go separate ways. How do you go about deciding whether to stay and hope it gets better, or leave and cut your losses? While the answer lies fully within you, there are guidelines that can help you determine how you really feel and what route you should take. You can choose to talk to a counselor, a pastor or priest, a close friend, or a member of your family. However, in the meantime you can always start the process by stopping to take full inventory of where your relationship stands and where you want to be.
The 60 questions you will find below are meant as a guide to assist you in making the right decision, not only for you but also for your partner and/or children as well. There are many more questions that can be asked and it would be hard to anticipate every situation that humans encounter. But if you feel that at least one of these questions hits the nail on the head, then you can address the real issue at hand and hopefully reach a solution.
1. Is the relationship elevating you to new heights or dragging you into the dumps?
2. Are the problems you are facing now temporary or permanent?
3. Are you or your partner physically, mentally or emotionally abusive to each other?
4. If you are separated by distance, how does this affect the relationship? Does it make it easier or harder?
5. Is your partner incarcerated or in a mental health institution and if so, how long will they be there?
6. If you were presented with the opportunity to marry again or start the relationship over again, would you still do it knowing what you know now?
7. Did you or your partner do something that the other just can’t forgive? Does it keep resurfacing in your fights and arguments?
8. Is it really love keeping you together or the fear of being alone or the feeling that no one else will love you or want you?
9. Do you respect your partner? Do they respect you?
10. If God told you that it was okay to leave the relationship, would you feel relieved?
11. Is your partner meeting your needs? Are you meeting theirs?
12. If you weren’t in a relationship with this person and you didn’t have the feelings of lust or love, would you still like them as a person? Would you still enjoy their company and conversation?
13. Are you proud to be with your partner?
14. Are you still sexually attracted to your partner? Is your partner still sexually attracted to you?
15. Does your partner relish in your success or do they resent it?
16. Do you and your partner still have fun together?
17. Do you and your partner have mutual goals that you’d like to fulfill as a couple?
18. Does your relationship enhance your life or does it drain it?
19. Do you still see your partner and relationship as providing you with long-term happiness?
20. Have either of you lost your commitment to each other?
21. Do you spend most of your time fighting or sharing your love for each other?
22. Has one of you achieved great personal growth while the other has remained stagnant? Have you outgrown the relationship?
23. Are you or your partner ambivalent about commitment? Do you want to take your relationship to the next level – whether it’s moving in together, getting married, having kids, buying property together or starting a business together?
24. If your religious beliefs weren’t an issue, would you still stay?
25. If you don’t have children yet, do you see your partner as a great mother/father to your kids?
26. If you do have children, what do you think they would advise you to do?
27. When you cry, are you crying because you think you failed once again or are you crying because you feel the loss of a loved one in your life?
28. Is your life and/or that of your loved ones in danger if you stay?
29. Are financial reasons the biggest reason of why you are choosing to stay?
30. Do you still love your partner? Are you still in love with your partner?
31. Is your partner holding you back from accomplishing your life goals?
32. Do you want to spend the only life you have attached to this person?
33. When was the first time you thought of leaving your partner? Has it been days, months or years? Has it gotten any better?
34. If you were to ask the person you most trusted and respected for advice about your relationship, what would they say?
35. If cheating was involved, what led to the cheating? What needs was your partner not meeting that this new person did? What needs were you not able to meet that the other person did?
36. Are you still having sexual relations with your partner?
37. When was the last time you made love?
38. Can you still communicate with each other via a silent glance across a crowded room or do you resort to shouting and yelling?
39. Does your partner encourage you to be yourself or do they urge you to be their version of an ideal partner?
40. If you made a list of the qualities you desire in an ideal partner, how many of those qualities would your partner have? If your partner did their own list, how many qualities would you have?
41. What’s the worst thing that could happen if you stay? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you left?
42. Do you still feel or have you ever felt genuine admiration and awe for your partner?
43. Are you still waiting for them to change? How long have you been waiting? How long will you continue to wait?
44. Do you have a support network that you can turn to that will be there for you regardless of the decision you make?
45. Do you have the freedom and ability to live your own life alongside your partner or do they control every aspect of your life?
46. What does your gut tell you to do? Do your instincts tell you to leave or to stay?
47. Is your partner waiting for you to change?
48. Are you in love with your partner or are you in love with the idea of your partner or even your partner’s potential?
49. Do you still make time to go out on date nights where it’s just the two of you?
50. Is there still trust in the relationship? Are there constant accusations of jealousy, lying or betrayal?
51. Do you find that you’re constantly experiencing your own worst qualities rather than your best? Does your partner bring out the worst in you or the best?
52. How do you feel about the things they consider important: their friends, their hobbies, their career, their family, etc.?
53. Do you love your partner enough to do what’s right for them?
54. Do you fear hurting your partner if you were to leave? Which would hurt them more, having you stay when you don’t want to, or leaving them and releasing them to follow another path?
55. Are you strong enough to leave? Are you strong enough to stay? What can you do to increase your strength?
56. Do you take each other for granted?
57. Is your fear of change greater than your need for happiness?
58. Do you share political beliefs? Spiritual beliefs? Are you respectful of each other’s opinions?
59. Do your extended families get along? What do you think about your in-laws? What do they think of you? Is there any unresolvable friction between you?
60. Do you love yourself enough to do what is right for you?
Remember, only you and your partner can decide whether you should stay or end your relationship. Whatever decision you do decide to make, make it a guilt-free decision by realizing that you are making the best decision you can based on the current knowledge you have. Make a fully-informed and well-thought-out decision and you’ll have no regrets.