Tag: sex

Should You Stay With or Leave Your Partner?

Jul. 01 Featured Posts 2 comments

Whether you’ve been with someone for a few weeks, months, or years, determining whether you should stay in a relationship or leave is a decision that can be hard to reach.  You once thought that you were perfect for each other but you are starting to have doubts.  Or perhaps your partner has started hinting that you might be better off if you go separate ways.  How do you go about deciding whether to stay and hope it gets better, or leave and cut your losses?  While the answer lies fully within you, there are guidelines that can help you determine how you really feel and what route you should take.  You can choose to talk to a counselor, a pastor or priest, a close friend, or a member of your family.  However, in the meantime you can always start the process by stopping to take full inventory of where your relationship stands and where you want to be.

The 60 questions you will find below are meant as a guide to assist you in making the right decision, not only for you but also for your partner and/or children as well.  There are many more questions that can be asked and it would be hard to anticipate every situation that humans encounter.  But if you feel that at least one of these questions hits the nail on the head, then you can address the real issue at hand and hopefully reach a solution.

1.  Is the relationship elevating you to new heights or dragging you into the dumps?

2.  Are the problems you are facing now temporary or permanent?

3.  Are you or your partner physically, mentally or emotionally abusive to each other?

4.  If you are separated by distance, how does this affect the relationship?  Does it make it easier or harder?

5.  Is your partner incarcerated or in a mental health institution and if so, how long will they be there?

6.  If you were presented with the opportunity to marry again or start the relationship over again, would you still do it knowing what you know now?

7.  Did you or your partner do something that the other just can’t forgive?  Does it keep resurfacing in your fights and arguments?

8.  Is it really love keeping you together or the fear of being alone or the feeling that no one else will love you or want you?

9.  Do you respect your partner?  Do they respect you?

10.  If God told you that it was okay to leave the relationship, would you feel relieved?

11.  Is your partner meeting your needs?  Are you meeting theirs?

12.  If you weren’t in a relationship with this person and you didn’t have the feelings of lust or love, would you still like them as a person?  Would you still enjoy their company and conversation?

13.  Are you proud to be with your partner?

14.  Are you still sexually attracted to your partner?  Is your partner still sexually attracted to you?

15.  Does your partner relish in your success or do they resent it?

16.  Do you and your partner still have fun together?

17.  Do you and your partner have mutual goals that you’d like to fulfill as a couple?

18.  Does your relationship enhance your life or does it drain it?

19.  Do you still see your partner and relationship as providing you with long-term happiness?

20.  Have either of you lost your commitment to each other?

21.  Do you spend most of your time fighting or sharing your love for each other?

22.  Has one of you achieved great personal growth while the other has remained stagnant?  Have you outgrown the relationship?

23.  Are you or your partner ambivalent about commitment?  Do you want to take your relationship to the next level – whether it’s moving in together, getting married, having kids, buying property together or starting a business together?

24.  If your religious beliefs weren’t an issue, would you still stay?

25.  If you don’t have children yet, do you see your partner as a great mother/father to your kids?

26.  If you do have children, what do you think they would advise you to do?

27.  When you cry, are you crying because you think you failed once again or are you crying because you feel the loss of a loved one in your life?

28.  Is your life and/or that of your loved ones in danger if you stay?

29.  Are financial reasons the biggest reason of why you are choosing to stay?

30.  Do you still love your partner?  Are you still in love with your partner?

31.  Is your partner holding you back from accomplishing your life goals?

32.  Do you want to spend the only life you have attached to this person?

33.  When was the first time you thought of leaving your partner?  Has it been days, months or years?  Has it gotten any better?

34.  If you were to ask the person you most trusted and respected for advice about your relationship, what would they say?

35.  If cheating was involved, what led to the cheating?  What needs was your partner not meeting that this new person did?  What needs were you not able to meet that the other person did?

36.  Are you still having sexual relations with your partner?

37.  When was the last time you made love?

38.  Can you still communicate with each other via a silent glance across a crowded room or do you resort to shouting and yelling?

39.  Does your partner encourage you to be yourself or do they urge you to be their version of an ideal partner?

40.  If you made a list of the qualities you desire in an ideal partner, how many of those qualities would your partner have?  If your partner did their own list, how many qualities would you have?

41.  What’s the worst thing that could happen if you stay?  What’s the worst thing that could happen if you left?

42.  Do you still feel or have you ever felt genuine admiration and awe for your partner?

43.  Are you still waiting for them to change?  How long have you been waiting?  How long will you continue to wait?

44.  Do you have a support network that you can turn to that will be there for you regardless of the decision you make?

45.  Do you have the freedom and ability to live your own life alongside your partner or do they control every aspect of your life?

46.  What does your gut tell you to do?  Do your instincts tell you to leave or to stay?

47.  Is your partner waiting for you to change?

48.  Are you in love with your partner or are you in love with the idea of your partner or even your partner’s potential?

49.  Do you still make time to go out on date nights where it’s just the two of you?

50.  Is there still trust in the relationship?  Are there constant accusations of jealousy, lying or betrayal?

51.  Do you find that you’re constantly experiencing your own worst qualities rather than your best?  Does your partner bring out the worst in you or the best?

52.  How do you feel about the things they consider important: their friends, their hobbies, their career, their family, etc.?

53.  Do you love your partner enough to do what’s right for them?

54.  Do you fear hurting your partner if you were to leave?  Which would hurt them more, having you stay when you don’t want to, or leaving them and releasing them to follow another path?

55.  Are you strong enough to leave?  Are you strong enough to stay?  What can you do to increase your strength?

56.  Do you take each other for granted?

57.  Is your fear of change greater than your need for happiness?

58.  Do you share political beliefs?  Spiritual beliefs?  Are you respectful of each other’s opinions?

59.  Do your extended families get along?  What do you think about your in-laws?  What do they think of you?  Is there any unresolvable friction between you?

60. Do you love yourself enough to do what is right for you?

Remember, only you and your partner can decide whether you should stay or end your relationship.  Whatever decision you do decide to make, make it a guilt-free decision by realizing that you are making the best decision you can based on the current knowledge you have.   Make a fully-informed and well-thought-out decision and you’ll have no regrets.

Good luck!

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True Feminine Power

Jun. 22 Featured Posts 2 comments

What does the empowered woman feel like? I know we have used this word empowered quite a bit over the past few years. But for me this word conveys an energy that I like. To feel empowered is for me to feel powerful from within. It truly describes the feminine way of power.

Our essential feminine power comes from our core, our sexual center, our yoni. For men it resides in the hara or dantien, the solar plexis. You see the most potent force that women have is our shakti. Our primal life force, sexual creative energy. This force resides in all of us, but for women it is what in many ways defines us.

It is this primal energy from our sex center, the second chakra, (that point just above the pelvic bone) that enables us to create life, to be both wild and untamable as well as docile, harmonious and calm. Our sexual energy is our true feminine power as it is here that the creation of life begins and the mystery of our body is held.

Our sexual energy entices, allures, fascinates, radiates and attracts both men and women. When a woman is fully emboding her sexual essence, she is her most empowered self. She walks with the grace of one who is confident, centered, serene, present, sensual and fully in her body. She is not afraid of her sexual energy or of the power this energy has over other people. She understands her power and is able to use it wisely, with compassion and integrity.

Since she no longer needs to manipulate or control with her sexual energy or survive on it, she can be authentically herself, her full embodied goddess self. She is proud of her womanliness, her yoni her breasts her hips her belly and all of her curves. She revels in her body and loves all of it no matter what shape it is.

It is from this place that she creates and offers her gifts, and it is from this place that she partners with man. A woman who is fully living in her feminine power is naturally radiant, receptive, yet strong from within herself. This woman lives in you and me and I invite you to discover her.

For more information regarding The New Feminine Mystique please check out: www.womensmysteries.org/FeminineMystique.html and register for the free intro conference call.

Luminessa Enjara is the founder of The School of Womyn’s Mysteries and Soul Support. I have been a teacher of women’s sexuality and spirituality for over 10 years. I am a gifted Akashic Record Reader and Spiritual Evolution Coach and offer readings and spiritual guidance and support. I write to inspire and to express my deepest truths. I love to dance, laugh and play in nature.

To learn more on womens roles, women awakening to their sexual power, women loving their body and other related topics Visit Yoni Speak

 

Click here to learn more about Soul Support and Akashic Records

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Objectum Sexuals: Married to Inanimate Objects

Jun. 20 News no comments


 

We’re living in a world where humans are increasingly given the right and freedom to choose whom they choose to love and marry — but are we ready to accept those who prefer the coldness of stone and steel to the warmth of a human body?

Meet Erika Eiffel, better known as Naisho.  She is a world-class archer who has had a passionate love affair with the Golden Gate Bridge, used to be in love with Lance, an archery bow, and is now officially married to the Eiffel Tower.  Naisho is a polyamorous objectum sexual — a person who prefers having loving and intimate relationships with inanimate objects rather than people.

“I am a woman and this is a bridge and despite our vast differences we are very much in love.  And our love in itself is no different from any other love that exists between two beings.  One of the most difficult parts of being in love with a public object is that he and I can never be truly intimate.  Whereas objects I’ve loved in the past have never been an issue.  I feel very very blessed to have a piece of my sweet Golden Gate Bridge.  And I just hope that when I make love with this piece of him, that he can sense and feel how much I really really love him.  Because I am in love with the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge is very much in love with me.”

Most people might not understand their relationships and can often ridicule objectum sexuals.  However, it is important to note that objectum sexuals go through the same feelings of love, passion, admiration and respect that most people feel for their significant others.  They go through the same tears and parting sorrow that we all do.  The pain is real.  The emotions are real.

Sweden is the birthplace of objectum sexuality.  Eija-Riitta Eklof Berliner-Mauer (Mrs. Wall) coined the term when she married the Berlin Wall in the 1970′s.  She also has had a love affair with a fence she keeps in her room as well as a guillotine.  There are approximately 40 known objectum sexuals in the world and thanks to the internet, they can connect with each other and share their stories. For example, Eija Riitta makes models of her lovers and has shared her abilities with Naisho.

Objectum sexuals often find that public displays of affection are hard.  And having sex with their lovers is difficult when they can’t bring the object of their affection home. The sexual needs are there but they have to resort to models and other means to satisfy their carnal needs.  Naisho describes the sexual act as  being “a transfer of energy. It’s like feeling like the object is an extension of my own being and we’re becoming one.” When answering a question regarding having sex with the Berlin Wall, Eija-Riitta states, “We made love, yes. And that’s private.”

Amy is also part of Eija Riitta’s and Naisho’s group.  She’s in love with a fair ride called 1001 Nacht as well as a banister called Lou that she keeps in her room.  Amy finds that when she holds Lou she feels “comfort, peace, warmth, a feeling of being loved, happiness.” Amy likes glass, steel and aluminum.  The Empire State Building in New York is one of her regular lovers.  Amy still cries over the loss of the Twin Towers whom she collectively describes as a “he”.

 

If you would like to learn more about objectum sexuality you can go to www.objectum-sexuality.org, a website started by Eija-Riitta and a wealth  of information on the subject.

 

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Orgasm: The Cure for Hunger in the Western Woman

Jun. 20 Featured Posts no comments

Women: when was the last time you had a real orgasm?  One that fulfilled you?  One that left you feeling whole and complete?  I’m not talking about just a brief climax but an orgasm that left you feeling alive and at one with the universe.  If it was recently then good for you!

If you are like a lot of women, chances are it’s been awhile or you might even have never experienced one.  There’s an abundance of excuses including cultural and religious taboos, lack of comfort with your body, or some other excuse.  If you are a western woman you might be saying things like: I work too hard, I eat too much, I diet too much, I drink too much, I shop too much, I give too much, etc.   Excuses abound but where are the solutions?

Nicole Daedone, founder of OneTaste and author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm, was invited to give a talk in the 2011 TEDxSF conference about this very subject.  In a very frank, intelligent and witty speech, Nicole addresses a topic that’s often considered tabu.

Nicole has developed a process called Orgasmic Meditation whose aim is to help quench the fundamental hunger that women have to connect with herself and others.  The three fundamental precepts for this this process are:

  1. Orgasm is vital for every single woman on the planet
  2. It’s not so bad for guys either
  3. It roots our fundamental capacity for connection.

Orgasmic Meditation does not involve sex toys or calling your genitals weird names or running around naked in front of a group.  It simply involves having your partner spend 15 minutes devoted solely to loving your genitalia.  Your partner can describe sights, smells, sensations, etc.  No intercourse is allowed, just attention and devotion.  These 15 minutes of total adoration to a part of your body that you’ve been taught to hide and be ashamed of, becomes a life changing experience that fills that sense of hunger that you never quite get over in normal intercourse.

The key, however, is to get rid of the traffic jam that’s going on inside your head.  Stop thinking about how you look, or what you have to do tomorrow, or whether your partner is enjoying the experience, or whether the ceiling needs a new coat of paint.  Just feel.  Get out of your head and give in to the experience.  In Nicole’s own words:  “[It became a] clean, powerful, and deeply pleasurable fuel I could use for whatever it was I wanted to do with my life.”

Try it and it will convince you.  The worse thing you have to lose is 15 minutes of your life but you might just lose that hopelessness that you’ll ever be reached inside.

 

To learn more about Nicole Daedon and Orgasmic Mediation go here.

To view the TEDxSF video on Youtube go here.

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What Makes a Woman Alluring and the Power of the New Feminine Mystique

Jun. 10 Everyday Life, Sex 4 comments

I love the word ‘allure’. The word itself captivates one and I find it holds the energy of its meaning.

To be alluring is 1) to temp or entice; 2) the power of attraction, 3) to beguile. It could also mean that one has charisma or even the power to seduce or be seductive. When one is ‘alluring’ the subject of the allurer is under a “spell” or so it may seem.

Don’t you just love knowing that if you are a woman you have the power to beguile? In fact that is where it all began in the mythical Garden of Eden when the Snake (symbol for sexuality) beguiled Eve to eat the apple of knowledge.

The question I wish to explore here is if this is the old definition of what it means to be alluring then what could the new definition be? For women this is an important question, for ever since the ‘fall’ we women have been trying to apologize for being a woman. I believe that the time has come to reshape, reconfigure and redefine what it means to be a woman who has allure or what I call ‘feminine mystique’.

It has been for literally thousands of years that we have been told that it was our ability to entice men that caused the downfall of mankind. Our innate sexuality was too hot and alluring for man to handle. And so the word allure got a bad rap and women were told that to be too sexy, too enticing or seductive was wrong. Only bad girls did that, not good girls. And even though we wanted to please our mothers and fathers we also wanted to explore our bad girl nature.

Over 30 years ago Betty Friedan wrote the book, The Feminine Mystique. It rocked the feminist world and brought awareness to the roles of women, a subject that had never been questioned. Although this book was written decades ago, many of these ideas are still prevalent in our culture today. Betty Friedan’s book exposed the roles of women in the 50’s and 60’s as well as the attitudes that accompanied them, and as such allowed us to bring to light how women were so repressed by the social standards and mores of their day.

The Tantric Woman

In Tantra the woman is always seen as the more dynamic and active partner, especially in love making, for she is the expression of Shakti the Primal Goddess. She represents raw sexuality, uncontrolled emotions. She can be fierce or gentle. She is untamable and is our primal nature, the Wild Woman. This aspect of the feminine has always scared the male population and it has also scared many women. Of course this was not always the case, especially before the demise of the Goddess. But it has been the case for the past five thousand years. And so the time has come for women to embrace this aspect of her feminine nature and to use it with love, wisdom, and reverence and to hold it sacred.

The New Feminine Mystique

The New Feminine Mystique is a new possibility for you as a woman to shift the current way in which you embody and express your sexual power, your sexual allure and your feminine sexual essence. It is a conversation that explores what it means to be a fully-embodied sexually-awake, totally integrated woman. How we as women use our power, the power of our sex and sexual allure is a question whose time has come.

The New Feminine Mystique takes the shame out being an alluring woman and redefines this age-old term. To be a woman who is alluring now can mean to be someone who has kept her passion and erotic nature alive, a woman who is inspired by her vision and who knows how to show herself in the best light. She wears her womanliness proudly and without apology. Her sexuality is appropriately expressed when it is the right time and is not used to manipulate others to get what she wants. She no longer needs to do that in order to survive. She is a woman who is virginal unto herself and knows that she can satisfy herself erotically and does not need a man to do this. Because of this she is not afraid of men and therefore can love them for being men. When a woman no longer needs a man to feel fulfilled she is then free to love them for being who they are.

With this as a guide more and more women can begin to stand tall and feel that being a sexually potent, fully impassioned and alive woman is magnificent and something to be celebrated.

We are faced with many challenges at this time in our history and it has been told by many, including the Dali Lama, that it will be through the women in North America that the world should look for its leadership. If this is true then it is up to women everywhere but most especially here in the U.S. to ask themselves if they are ready to become the women that they have always wanted to be.

For more information regarding The New Feminine Mystique please check out: www.womensmysteries.org/FeminineMystique.html and register for the free intro conference call.

Luminessa Enjara is the founder of The School of Womyn’s Mysteries and Soul Support. I have been a teacher of women’s sexuality and spirituality for over 10 years. I am a gifted Akashic Record Reader and Spiritual Evolution Coach and offer readings and spiritual guidance and support. I write to inspire and to express my deepest truths. I love to dance, laugh and play in nature.

To learn more on womens roles, women awakening to their sexual power, women loving their body and other related topics Visit Yoni Speak

Click here to learn more about Soul Support and Akashic Records

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